She used to love me. Now I don't know?

I've loved her more than I have ever loved anyone. I cant seem to get over her. It's been at least since 2009 after I left for 9 days to go to europe that my best friend started treating me like I was special. She used to wake up thinking about me and even told me she wanted me but didnt want to ever cheat on me. After a while we got sexual but never in person. Truth is we phone boned there I said it. We did this a LOT after she asked me if I would show her what I was like down there. I'm not an attractive dude, I'm short black skinny as a rail and I'm shy. So she visits NYC and talks to my male friend from school behind my back. Supposedly they ******, she said no but her reasons dont really make sense. I think she was just covering that up to not hurt my feelings because she wouldnt even kiss him around me. So after about six months of hell internally and my last months of a senior I finally get an apology from my male friend. She apologized too but who cares? Is that worth the heartache and the fact that the one girl who knows the most about me just wanted to fuc my friend and not me? She told me she loved me and wants to give a chance. But the most I get is a tap kiss in a ******* shoppers world. Twice. What do I do and where did I go wrong?